PMS

Listen.
I feel like I’m quickly going crazy.
Not slow crazy       quick crazy.
Fuck!

The urgency to get into the bath is palpable.
It’s the rain. The rain makes me this way.
Ring. Ring.
My mom. My dad.
Ring Ring.
My mom. My dad.
A friend I just called
but no longer want to talk to because
the sound of raindrops
forced me to get in the bath.
Forced me to reflect.
Forced me to listen.

Listen.
Raindrops.
Splash.
Thunder.
White noise.
Bombs away
Green. Purple. Pink. Bubbles.

Listen.
Listen to the rain.
No sound.
Clear my head.
Clear.
Rain.
Only rain.
Wash away. Wash away.
Wash.
Button. Brass. Black.
White. Porcelain. Blue. Sticker. Toilet.
Wicker. Hush

Listen.
Rain.
More Rain.
Orange toes. Chipped.
Knock Knock.
“Are you in there?”
Intruder.

Listen.
Louder. Rain. Louder.
Pounding its way in. The window
is open. I opened it. I set it free.
Cat. Rain. Still today. No wind.
Bra. Keys. Bermuda. Plane.
Friends. No friends. Trash.
Slow. Slow.
Ready.
Yoga tonight. Three hours.
Rebirth.
That’s what I need. A rebirth.
Can I leave tonight?
No I don’t want to leave
but but

Black.
I love black. My journal
black. My shirt
black. My bookmark
black.
Black. Absence of color.
No. All colors.
Black. Black is good. Black.
Car. Hand. Bottle. Label.
Black. Design by numbers.
Life by numbers. Not rain. No numbers.
Nature is my savior.
Nature. Nature.
Water. Sky. Earth.
Dirt. Dirty. Mud.

Buried.
Love.
Forever. Ring.
Ring. Ring.
Phone. Shut up. Off. Silence!
Go away!
No contact. No contact.
Beep. Beep. Fuck.
Silence.

Listen.
Stop.
Knock Knock. Pause.
“Yes. I’m in here.”

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