Photo Credit: romanboed via Compfight cc
If you are a teenage girl, you may be thinking about losing your V-card on prom night. I’m not going to preach or tell you that you shouldn’t. That’s up to you. Instead, let me share with you a short story of a girl in 10th grade attending her boyfriend’s junior prom. Then, 10 things you should think about before you make that plunge.
“Why?” he asked.
“You know why,” I said.
His body weight pressed down on me. My floor length formal hiked up to mid-thigh. Him, propped up on his perfect, cut, solid arms, pleading with those puppy eyes.
Prom night. Not my prom, I was a sophomore. He was a Junior. It was his prom. Junior prom. Dinner, the dance and then everyone rented hotel rooms. My mom didn’t know about the hotel room part.
He thought tonight was the night. He thought he could convince me to have sex. He thought I’d cave. Give in. Succumb.
We’d been dating for a little over two months. I’d met his parents, he’d met mine. I’d been to a family reunion. We’d spent every minute together leading up to prom night. I wanted to have sex with him, I did. The feeling of him on top of me (with our clothes on) was incredible. It was difficult to say no to him. Didn’t he know I wanted to as much as he did? Did he know how hard it was for me to wait? Didn’t he know he was going to be my first, forever?
I was 15. I wanted to wait until I was 16. I only had four more months. Couldn’t he wait?
“Fuck,” he said and rolled over onto his back, sighing loud enough for me to hear, his breathing labored.
He was still in his tuxedo pants, his white shirt unbuttoned, his black tie thrown on the floor next to my hot pink heels. He stared at the ceiling, his hands behind his neck slightly propping up his head. His chest was beautiful. I loved being with him. Why did he always have to push me? Why did he have to make me feel guilty? Why did he have to make me feel like I owed him something? Why wasn’t it enough to just make out?
I pretended to stare at the half-empty Vodka bottle on the bedside table. Time was running out. I wondered if he would wait? Summer break was one month away. Would he last the entire summer? My birthday wasn’t until September. It was May.
“Hey, open up!”
A bang on the adjoining door made us both jump until we realized it was only his friends screwing with us from the other room. They all had the same goal—have sex on Prom night. I didn’t like that idea. I didn’t want to be a prize. I didn’t want to give him bragging rights. I didn’t want him to say he F*#ked me.
I considered it. I did. But, I made a promise to myself that I would wait until I was 16. Not because of any faith. Not because of my mom. Not because of my friends (I think I was the last one to have sex out of them). I just decided that 16 was something I was good with. A number I could live with. I never planned to wait until marriage. Or even college. Sixteen was good for me.
Years later, I thought about my decision to NOT have sex on Prom night. I ended up waiting until I was 16. It wasn’t with my prom boyfriend. He disappeared after the first day of Summer, like clockwork, which leads me to the ten reasons …
Ten things to think about before you lose your virginity on Prom Night:
- The Summer Dump. You will most likely get dumped when Summer rolls around. Probability 85%
- Tweet Tweet. OMG really? Do you want the words “I Hit That,” all over twitter before you wake up? Everyone will know who he’s talking about because, hello, you were his date.
- First Time Drunk Sex. You don’t want to be drunk for your first time. I know, you aren’t 21 but hey, it’s prom night and somehow, somewhere, someone gets alcohol, and there is a lot of drinking going on. Being drunk and losing your virginity sucks for multiple reasons. He will pass out right after. It will be sloppy (i.e. nothing like the movies). You will be shocked that it’s over that quick.
- Too much on the Plate. Seriously, there is a lot going on on prom night. When you decide to lose your virginity it should be the only thing on the agenda. Do you really want a bunch of people partying in adjoining rooms? or the same room while …? Do you really want to squeeze it in between dinner and the dance?
- Monday Meltdown. That’s right Monday is coming, and I mean fast. You have to go back to school. You have to see him. You have to deal with whatever happens. Whatever relationship you had, good or bad, it will never be the same. NEVER. You will notice everything too. What he says to you. What he doesn’t say to you. What he says to another girl. Who he talks to at lunch. Who he sits with. If he’s avoiding you? If he’s not. The looks of his friends. The looks from the other girls. Get it?
- The Never-ending Story. How old were you when you lost it? Who did you lose it with? Where were you? Was it good? Ask yourself what you want those answers to be. Is prom night one of them? In a car, in a hotel room, in the bathroom? Just a thought. Whatever your story is, you will have to own it for the rest of your life. And, if you are like most girls, of all the nights in your life, prom night isn’t the one you will want to remember, as the night you lost your virginity.
- He’s No Prince Charming. Prom tends to set us all up for that Happily Ever After moment that we see in those fabulous fairy tales. In real life, toads don’t turn into princes. Remember, just because he asked you to prom doesn’t make him Prince Charming. AND, you don’t owe him your virginity just because he wined and dined you and picked you up in a limousine. He may not be Prince Charming, but that doesn’t keep you from acting like a proper princess. Think Princess Bride.
- Regret. Regret. Regret. Did I mention regret? You see the thing is you will set yourself up for this AMAZING, romantic, picture perfect evening and then splat, you crash and burn. In high school, your first time is usually NOT what you imagine. If you have waited just for prom night, wait longer. Don’t let losing your virginity ruin prom night. Shouldn’t prom be a great memory? Shouldn’t prom be a night to have fun and dance? Shouldn’t prom be something you can talk about to your daughter one day? I know that’s a stretch but think about it.
- Rape. Sorry to throw that one at you, but I have to. Be upfront with the guy who asks you to prom. Tell him straight up you aren’t having sex until way later. (I mean years, not hours.) Until you are a senior in high school or maybe go so far as to tell him you are waiting until college. And don’t be wishy washy about it. Tell him you are saving yourself. That way there won’t be ANY misunderstandings. I did a lot of stupid shit as a teenager, and it’s a miracle I was never raped. It is. Don’t go to a hotel room without your friends and make sure they are the kind of friends that stick with you, not the ones that disappear. When you are about to lose your virginity, it’s normal to have second thoughts. It is. On prom night, there is a lot of drinking, your hesitation can easily be ignored. That’s all I’m saying. My prom date stopped, but I’m not sure what I could have done if he ignored me and kept going. Do you want your first time to be without your consent? It’s better to save yourself for another night when your hesitation will be heard, and you both can take your time, which leads me to my final reason …
- You Only Lose it Once. Period. Don’t do it because of a stupid high school dance. Don’t do it because your friends are doing it. Don’t do it because your boyfriend wants you to. Don’t do it because you are the last one. Don’t do it because you want to get it over with. Don’t do it because you owe him. Don’t do it because he LOVES YOU. Don’t do it because he is nice. Don’t do it because you are tired of saying no. Don’t do it because it’s no big deal. (That’s bullshit.) Don’t do it because you want to please someone else. Don’t do it out of fear that he will break up with you or won’t like you anymore. DO IT because you are ready. Do it because YOU WANT IT. Do it because it’s right for you. Do it because, even if you break up the next day, you are okay with telling your story. What was his name? How old were you? Where were you?
Remember you are worth it, Prom Night or not. You decide what’s right for you. It’s OK to wait. It’s OK to hesitate. It’s OK to say no.
Wait. Let me repeat that. It’s OK to say No. You don’t owe anyone anything, especially not your virginity.