Men, we all need a little help sometimes, right? There are some good women out there. Women who make you a better man. All “quality” women—the kind who will do anything for you—all they ultimately want is a true gentleman. This article does not apply to women who are just dating you for money, for sex, for fame, for attention, etc.
The definition of a gentleman has, in my opinion, evolved over the years. It’s time to take a look at what a gentleman looks like in the 21st Century and beyond and how being a gentleman is your best bet to entering into a healthy, fulfilling, passionate partnership with a woman. It may not always be peaceful, but it might just be what your are looking for.
10 Tips on How to be Gentleman in the 21st Century
- Chivalry is king. Think Ewan McGregor in Moulin Rouge, Andy Garcia in When a Man Loves a Woman. Actions you can take today to be chivalrous: Open car doors, hold an entrance door open (run to get ahead of them if you have to), stand up when someone enters the room, give up your seat for a woman or an older person, if someone drops something, pick it up. Think courage, honor, justice, and a readiness to help.
- Fight with words, not your hands: Unless you are in imminent danger, and it’s truly self-defense, never hit! Think of honor. Don’t be reactive, be proactive. A true gentleman uses wit and intellect to solve problems without violence. A true gentleman knows how to take a breath, take a step back, laugh in the face of anger and walk away. Women that like hotheaded men or “drama” aren’t worth the drama, so, if you’ve got a mate like that, walk away. Life is too short for drama. We aren’t talking little dramas; we are talking DRAMA that affects your daily life.
- Apologize. Gentlemen understand the power of a true apology. Three words, “Please forgive me,” can move mountains. Keep in mind apologies only go so far. If you aren’t sincere and really MEAN IT an apology won’t mean jack shit.
- Compliment. Helen Rowland said, “When a man makes a woman his wife, it’s the highest compliment he can pay her, and it’s usually the last.” Don’t be that guy. A gentleman appreciates what life has given him and continues to be grateful. Don’t overdo it, as over-complimenting gets old really fast and seems insincere. It’s about noticing the small things now and then (once a week) and saying something. Don’t just compliment to compliment. Notice. Take a moment and say something from your heart.
- Give. Give to help others; give to make someone’s day better. Give. Give. Give. It will all come back tenfold. Trust me. I realize some of you feel like you give all the time and never get anything in return. Remember, a true gentleman must have friends and partners who are willing to give as much of themselves as they do. Don’t settle for less than you are worth. What do I mean by give? Ask your friend or partner if there is anything you can do to help. Offer to do something they would usually do. Cook them breakfast in bed. Be spontaneous. If they normally do something around the house, surprise them and do it first. If you have children, rally them and do something special for mom for no reason other than doing something special—don’t wait for Mother’s Day. Go the extra mile now and then. Not every day, just occasionally. It’s called “random acts of kindness.” Just do it.
- Listen. I know. I know. You hear that all the time. It’s true! If you have ever read a Jane Austen novel or watched a Jane Austen movie, you’ll notice how the men walk with the women through the gardens talking and talking. Remember how it was when you first met that special person and you talked for hours and listened because you truly cared about what your mate had to say? Listen. Even if it’s boring, even if you don’t know where it’s going, even if you think talking will never cease. Actively listen. This means you cannot speak until the person closes their mouth. Now, if this is a person who literally never stops talking then you might have a problem but make a valiant effort! If we are talking about your girlfriend, wife, partner, just try to focus, look them in the eye, stay off your phone and just listen. Don’t try to solve anything unless you hear her/him say “What do you think?” Then, and only then, can you make a suggestion. This could go on for hours. It could. BUT if you listen, good things will come. Trust me.
- Be Charming. Hmm. Some of you may be wondering how to do this. Work on your wit. I don’t mean turn into a stand-up comedian or be that man who is always on stage; that’s a turn-off. I mean, it might get you laid now and then, but it gets old and boring really fast. No one likes someone that is always on. It’s fake, and you and I both know it means you are hiding something, usually something dark behind those charming eyes. So when I say charming, I mean witty. Check out this link “How to have a witty conversation” for some great tips.
- Be a man. Let’s be clear, a gentleman is not a pussy. You are probably thinking to yourself; it’s a fine line. You are right, it is. Because, as a woman, I can honestly say when men are too nice, it’s boring. So you have to step up sometimes and be a man. It’s not complicated. This goes the same way for men and women. Don’t be a pushover, don’t be a doormat, don’t be a wimp. Gentlemen have principles, values and the courage and the wherewithal to stand up and fight when they have to. I have a couple of examples for you. Warning, they might seem cheesy.Channing Tatum in The Vow—extreme gentleman—but he knew when to walk away.
Kevin James in Hitch—he was pretty silly throughout the entire movie (a gentleman through and through), but in the end, he knew when to be a man. Role models can be found in the strangest places.
(Sidenote to women – men don’t want this either— men that like strong women, who stand up for what they believe in, those are the men you want —they believe in equality for all.)
- Step up. Kids … If you have them, step up. Don’t be a deadbeat. It takes two to tango, and you were part of it. Be a gentleman and take responsibility for your actions. Own it.
- Commit. Know what you want. Damn that’s sexy when a man knows what he wants. Nothing can top it. Gentlemen know. Recognize what fulfills you and follow that path. Don’t let anyone tell you what to do when it comes to your passions, your dreams. Know what path you are on and have a plan to get yourself there. Sure plans can change, paths can meander BUT when you know what you want there is nothing sexier. I’ll never forget the last scene of Officer and a Gentleman. Now there was a man that knew what he wanted. And men, we know you like a woman who knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to show it, at least Gentlemen do.